My Days in the Sun

April 6, 2008

It is probably a dangerous thing to say, because, strangely enough, I have to admit to a superstitious belief that saying so might change it, but I’m going to risk saying it out loud anyway: I’m in a very happy place in my life right now. After a very, very long time, I realize that I’m not desperately wishing or waiting for anything any more. I wouldn’t describe my life as perfect, but this is as close as it gets.

  • My family is complete. The twins absolutely light up my life. There is immense satisfaction in doing all the mundane motherly chores for them. And satisfaction in seeing them grow in confidence, in ability, and – of course – in size.
  • Amit is a delighted, devoted and doting father – as I always knew he would be, but getting him to believe it was one helluva task.
  • True I’m not working, but at last I’m working on a project that I’ve always wanted to work on but never had the time – my travel website. I can only spare a couple of hours a day to work on it, but that’s enough – I know that if I keep at it, I can take it to some kind of completion by the end of the year. I’m in no hurry.
  • I can pick freelance projects to work on. I can reject work that’s not interesting enough. I am fortunate enough that I can afford not to work for pay if I choose – either not to work, or not to get paid. Currently, I’m somewhere in-between: I’m almost not working, and I’m certainly not getting paid; but either aspect might change sometime in the future.
  • I can, hopefully, find the time to resume – and, eventually, complete – my online Archaeology course. This is one of my few longest-standing desires still pending.

The only reasons I wouldn’t use the word perfect are:

  • I’d like to get out of the house more… if only for a daily walk, a bit of window-shopping, a cup of coffee.
  • I wish I had more time with Amit. Though I suppose that if after ten years of marriage I still feel that way, it can’t altogether be a bad thing…
  • Resuming my German classes doesn’t seem likely in the near future.
  • I still have to find a publisher for my travel book.

A couple of those might look like quite major areas of improvement, but they hardly make in dent in my general satisfaction with life at present. I’m sure things will change – after a while, I’ll probably start to miss working life. Or I might find it really stifling to be so extremely home-bound. Or… something. But right now, while the kids are well and everything’s going smoothly, I have to say that I’m in a good place in life, and I’m keeping my fingers (and toes etc) crossed that it stays that way at least for a while.


The Year That Was

December 31, 2007
In January this year, things were different. I was on hormones that were supposed to help me conceive. We didn’t know then that that was something that would never happen.

We’ve come a long way since then. And that progress has dominated this year for me. The whole process of infertility culminating in adoption was a difficult and unhappy one, but at last it has worked out for us. Now, none of the history matters any more.

Other things have happened in the past year. Most significantly, I quit my job and – most likely – ended my career of over a decade. That was a difficult decision, one that took a very long time to come to fruition, and one that – strangely enough – finally occured independent of the adoption. In view of the adoption, I have no doubt that it turned out to be the right decision, but I don’t know how things would have gone if the adoption hadn’t come through so soon. Would I actually have done the things I wanted to do, or would I have ultimately gone back to a desk job? And what about those other things that I wanted to do – will I ever get around to doing them now?

I traveled. We went to Bangkok, a first for me, and we went back to Ladakh and back to Nimaling, my idea of Paradise on Earth. The weather was perfect, better even than it had been the last time. If it is the last trek I ever do, I have no regrets – I have been twice-blessed.

I finally enrolled in a course on Archaeology! This, after about 15 years of waiting…

Looking back, at the start of the year I wanted to:

  1. Lose weight
  2. Improve at tennis – specially backhand!
  3. Go back to playing the violin
  4. Take the next level of German course
  5. Stop doing dull, boring, meaningless work and get involved in something meaningful – or at least exciting
  6. Make at least one new friend
  7. Read at least a book a month
  8. Watch at least two movies a month (at a movie hall)
  9. Travel
  10. Get a publisher for my travel book
  11. Create a photo book

Of these, I’ve made absolutely no progress on numbers 3, 8, and 10, and only limited progress on number 2 (but not for want of trying).

Next year, I want to:

  1. Lose weight
  2. Improve at tennis – specially backhand!
  3. Go back to playing the violin
  4. Complete another two modules of my online Archaeology course
  5. Work on a compilation of my existing travel articles for a website, book, or series of freelance articles

Will I be able to achieve even these few modest goals? I hope so, but only time will tell.

Achievements and Regrets

January 25, 2006

I had gone for my weekly walk (it’s supposed to be daily, but it sort of becomes weekly) and thinking about nothing, as one does when walking alone in the park, and I started thinking of all the things I had done that I was happy about. And one thing led to another and finally this is what resulted (in no particular order):

I’m glad that I

  • Took a break from work to go trekking in the Himalayas for 3 months
  • Finally got around to buying and riding a ‘guy’s bike’
  • Enrolled for a Master’s degree – so many years after graduation (and in a completely different subject)
  • Taught myself to whistle with two fingers in my mouth (after years of trying)
  • Learnt horse riding

    I’m glad I did not

    • Attend full-time college
    • Stay too close to family (or in-laws)
    • Stay on at KF till I lost my sanity (though it was a near thing…)

      I wish had (or I would still like to)

      • Continued learning music
      • Had kids. And dogs. (And horses. And a farmhouse outside the city. Ok, ok, getting carried away…)
      • Written a book that got published (and became a best seller in it class)
      • Learnt to sing
      • Learnt to play tennis at a younger age (I first tried when I was in my early teens – so many years wasted!)

        I wish I had not

        • Crashed the car I was driving. Twice. (Still haven’t fully recovered from those)
        • Given up the idea of studying Archaeology (just because everyone else thought it was a bad idea)
        • Been so thoroughly mal-adjusted in the US.

          The idea was to list the top 5 in each category. I’m happy to say that in two categories I could not find 5. (Ok, this has been censored a bit… that’s allowed.) This was an interesting exercise. Anyone else inclined to take a shot at it?

          %d bloggers like this: