I’d better start with a disclaimer: There are not just five, there are about a zillion things I can’t do. Maybe even a gazillion. But these five deserve mention because I really wish I *could* do these because they would either earn me a load of good karma, give a huge boost to my ego and self-image, or make me immensely popular — or at least vaguely “with it”. Plus, they might contribute to saving the world, one drop at a time.
Yet, despite all of those extremely powerful motivators, I just can’t bring myself to do these things.
- I can’t commute to work by bus. Not even by A/C Volvo. Not even the one that goes directly from home to office. The thing is, I love my car. Not as much as I loved my bike, but still, I mostly enjoy driving, and trying to outwit every other idiot on the roads, and I love the sense of independence and freedom that it gives me. It’s expensive and it’s ruining the environment, but as long as I am earning and can afford to drive, I’m going to drive. And honestly, what’s a few litres of petrol every day when billions of gallons are being pumped into the Gulf of Mexico for over two months now?
I can’t curb my sweet tooth. The truth is, it’s running rampant. Somehow or other, I find a way to indulge it at least once or twice a day. If I could get off sweet permanently, I’d probably shed a few of those extra pounds, but then… would life really be worth living any more? (Oh and there are various other categories of food I can’t do without – all unhealthy stuff, like coffee, chocolate, ice cream, beer, non-veg…)
I can’t have a cold water bath. I used to – as a child, I used cold water for far more days of the season than anyone else in the family. In fact, when most of the kids in my class were bathing in hot water, I could still boast of cold water showers. But not any more. I need warm water most of the year now. Again, it’s doing untold damage from the global warming perspective, but well… I do turn off every electric thing whenever I remember.
I can’t get up at 5.30 a.m. unless there is a decent prospect of playing tennis. I know I should get up even if only for a walk or some stretching exercises, but I can’t. Not even if I slept at 10.30, with every intention of getting up early.
I can’t get interested in the World Cup. Shocking, I know – the whole world is talking about it. But there are way too many countries, way too many matches that go on until way too late at night, and I don’t know any of the players. Did I mention way too many players? 30+ in a team is just too many men to get excited about! It’s too much work! And India isn’t playing anyway (and never will, it looks like), so I don’t even know whom to back. And besides, I can never spot an offside, not even in slow motion, and Amit is always trying to convince me that there is going to be a penalty corner, when in fact it can only either be a penalty or a corner, and I never know which one or why. The fun part of the whole match, the shootout business, comes after 90 whole minutes of running around and hardly getting anywhere – two, or four goals of the blink and you miss it kind. In short, thank god it happens only once in four years! (There, I’ve said it! You can go ahead and stone me to death now.)