March 27, 2010

Marilyn Monroe had it wrong: Chocolates are a girl’s best friend. Diamonds? I don’t know, I’m not well acquainted with them, personally. But chocolates? Now there’s something I can talk about. Cake, ice cream, biscuit, pudding, milk… or just plain slab – whatever form it is, there are times when chocolate is what you need and nothing else is good enough.

You’ve seen all those forwards explaining why beer is better than women? Now here’s my answer to those: Seventeen reasons why chocolates are better than men.

    Chocolates are always there when you need them.
    Chocolates don’t make rude remarks about your appearance.
    In fact, chocolates don’t even care if you’re fat and frumpy.
    Chocolates don’t expect anything from you.
    Chocolates don’t snore.
    Chocolates don’t fall asleep when you’re watching TV together.
    Or when you’re talking to them.
    In fact, chocolates never, ever get tired.
    Chocolates don’t spend the night watching cricket/tennis/football/hockey/wrestling loudly on TV.
    Chocolates don’t spend hours talking about things you can’t understand and don’t care about.
    You can have lots and lots of chocolate and people won’t call you anything worse than fat.
    If you run out of chocolate, you just go to the nearby grocery store and get some.
    You can have lots of different chocolates in your house without losing your sanity (or your reputation).
    Sharing chocolate is uncontroversial.
    Whether you prefer chocolates dark, sweet, nutty, alcoholic, or white, nobody cares.
    If you don’t like chocolate, it doesn’t mean anything.
    Chocolate can be rock hard or soft and squishy, it doesn’t matter.

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