I don’t know why I’m feeling like this, but this is the way I’ve been feeling the past couple of weeks or longer. I’d love to blame it on the twins, but I don’t think I fairly can, because they are being their usual selves – sometimes cute, sometimes maddening. Of course, that’s enough to drive me to distraction from time to time, but not to the extent that I’ve been feeling lately, I think.
And it’s not as though there’s anything specially tiring going on here nowadays. The gas crisis got resolved on Monday morning, and we now have two full and functional cylinders again. No further developments on Amit’s knee. I went and played violin duets on Sunday afternoon with Mrs F and that was great – I actually found that I hadn’t forgotten as much as I feared I might have. I even managed to sight-read some simple pieces. I had struggled quite a bit, years ago, to play with other people and not get lost or distracted by what the other parts were doing. Apparently, it’s a skill which, once acquired, doesn’t go away all that easily, and I found I could even listen to what the other violin was doing and enjoy the harmony, without losing my part.
So all in all, things are going well enough. I went for a movie yesterday – my first movie-hall movie in over eight months and my first ever alone. So I should be feeling all rejuvenated and happy this morning – it’s not very often that I get a whole evening off, after all. In fact, the last time I did that was on March 4th – over three months ago. But despite that, I’m just feeling tired and with a nagging sense of depression again already. And it’s not even 10 a.m. yet – there’s the whole day to get through.
I really can’t identify the cause for this lowness. It’s not PMS. It could be the weather, cloudy and cool, but I thought I rather liked this weather. Maybe it’s a sort of delayed post-partum depression? Or maybe it’s because I’m trying to lose weight?
I mean, I’ve been trying to lose weight for years now – along with about 90% of the women I know. Only, my efforts were largely limited to envying all the slim women around and wishing I could look like them. Watching women’s tennis on TV doesn’t help – just think of Sharapova or Ivanovic. That alone could be just cause for severe depression – except that it’s never worried me much before. Nowadays, however, I am taking some more serious steps towards a slimmer me – minimizing eating out, and focusing on healthy eating, combined with an increase in my daily exercise regime.
But if it is the increased exercise and fewer (hopefully) calories that is causing me to feel tired and depressed and irritable, then we’re all just going to have to live with it, because this time I’m determined to lose 4 kilos or die trying. (And the latter is beginning to look like the easier option.) Sigh.
And we’re off to Pondicherry tomorrow for the twins’ adoption hearing.