Perpetually tired, mildly depressed, and thoroughly irritable

I don’t know why I’m feeling like this, but this is the way I’ve been feeling the past couple of weeks or longer. I’d love to blame it on the twins, but I don’t think I fairly can, because they are being their usual selves – sometimes cute, sometimes maddening. Of course, that’s enough to drive me to distraction from time to time, but not to the extent that I’ve been feeling lately, I think.

And it’s not as though there’s anything specially tiring going on here nowadays. The gas crisis got resolved on Monday morning, and we now have two full and functional cylinders again. No further developments on Amit’s knee. I went and played violin duets on Sunday afternoon with Mrs F and that was great – I actually found that I hadn’t forgotten as much as I feared I might have. I even managed to sight-read some simple pieces. I had struggled quite a bit, years ago, to play with other people and not get lost or distracted by what the other parts were doing. Apparently, it’s a skill which, once acquired, doesn’t go away all that easily, and I found I could even listen to what the other violin was doing and enjoy the harmony, without losing my part.

So all in all, things are going well enough. I went for a movie yesterday – my first movie-hall movie in over eight months and my first ever alone. So I should be feeling all rejuvenated and happy this morning – it’s not very often that I get a whole evening off, after all. In fact, the last time I did that was on March 4th – over three months ago. But despite that, I’m just feeling tired and with a nagging sense of depression again already. And it’s not even 10 a.m. yet – there’s the whole day to get through.

I really can’t identify the cause for this lowness. It’s not PMS. It could be the weather, cloudy and cool, but I thought I rather liked this weather. Maybe it’s a sort of delayed post-partum depression? Or maybe it’s because I’m trying to lose weight?

I mean, I’ve been trying to lose weight for years now – along with about 90% of the women I know. Only, my efforts were largely limited to envying all the slim women around and wishing I could look like them. Watching women’s tennis on TV doesn’t help – just think of Sharapova or Ivanovic. That alone could be just cause for severe depression – except that it’s never worried me much before. Nowadays, however, I am taking some more serious steps towards a slimmer me – minimizing eating out, and focusing on healthy eating, combined with an increase in my daily exercise regime.

But if it is the increased exercise and fewer (hopefully) calories that is causing me to feel tired and depressed and irritable, then we’re all just going to have to live with it, because this time I’m determined to lose 4 kilos or die trying. (And the latter is beginning to look like the easier option.) Sigh.

And we’re off to Pondicherry tomorrow for the twins’ adoption hearing.

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9 Responses to Perpetually tired, mildly depressed, and thoroughly irritable

  1. marlajayne says:

    A couple things I noticed right away is that you have a lot going on in your life AND that you’re very self-aware and introspective. Many psychologists feel that one of the reasons females tend to be more depressed than males is because they (we) tend to ponder, ruminate, and dwell on the things that are bothering them whereas men push it out of their minds and go hunting, golfing, or something. Plus, we (and I know this is true for me) are more likely to talk to friends about our ups and downs. Sometimes we wear each other out talking, talking, talking about our situations, and men rarely do that. Why I’m not sure.

  2. poupee97 says:

    Thanks for your comment, marlajayne. I actually find that talking helps – and so does blogging. 🙂

  3. wendy says:

    Hi – first time I have read your blog – most refreshing! I wish you the best of luck with your adoption hearing. I am sure that something like that must be quite stressful – resulting in you feeling a bit down. Chin up!
    http://www.winingandironing.wordpress.com

  4. AM says:

    Improvements in your back hand is guaranteed to improve your mood!!

  5. Siri says:

    I felt like this a couple months back and to make it worse I wondered why I was feeling that way, desperately trying to find a ‘logical’ reason. I didnt end up finding anything but the feeling passed as well.
    As for the rest, including losing weight, chota muh badi baath but here goes:
    Eat proteins and veggies for every meal. A valuable tip I got for my personal trainer last year was dont deprive yourself of anything, just be conscious of how much of that thing you are eating. So if you like ice cream, eat it, even everyday if you must, but eat a few spoonfuls and then keep the rest aside. (trust me, you CAN do this!).
    If you are so inclined get yourself a personal trainer 2 days a week. The thought of spending all that money itself will make you go to the gym half the time, even if you are dead tired. All in all, all those efforts paid off last year and I felt great!

  6. Lubi :) says:

    weight issues is something i guess we all women deal with…in our own separate different ways…sigh…i know it’s not easy…i just wish u all the luck anamika…hang on tight, girl. God be with u!

  7. doug H says:

    You’ve changed your diet. For the better is good, but make sure you’re getting enough protein and whole grains and quality carbs.
    Also, a vitamin supplement couldn’t hurt.

  8. doug H says:

    Also, there’s the possibility you’re over-doing it with the new exercise regime. Start off by taking it slow.
    (also, you may have picked up a minor bug of some kind. And, are you getting enough sleep?)

    (I can’t believe my comments are actually posting for once!)

    Anyway, hope you feel better soon. 🙂

  9. poupee97 says:

    Thanks, all, for the advice and encouragement.

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